So it’s been a while, yeah? Well, let me tell you it’s been
a trip! So here’s a wrap up:
I met Brian (B from here forward) a year and a half ago. Our
initial meeting was as a casual acquaintance at a group event invited by someone
else. This guy kept showing up. He was cute. He was sweet. He was funny. He was
unexpected. I flirted as much as my shy self could, which went completely
unnoticed.
We were then set up on an evening together, and well, we’ve
been a thing since. The thing about B is that he can always make me smile. He
enjoys my companionship and partnership as much as I value his. We make a great
team. We have had countless in depth
conversations about anything you can imagine. He is really great for me.
So why does this pertain to personal growth? Well he’s
allowed me to take on a new role in life. I can be very social and take on
leadership roles very well, but, generally felt inhibited by my shyness and
introversion. A lot of that had to do with confidence. Not feeling confident in
myself as a person, not feeling confident in my attractiveness, and in general
actually not having a very confident sense of self.
I’ve had to re-evaluate a lot in life. I have discovered
friendships and nurtured other ones more to find a great new group of people
which I genuinely feel myself around. I don’t have to have a pretense or a past
persona to cling to. I get to just be myself. I think these friends also align
a lot closer to my personal values, and goals. They are supportive and also
unselfish. They’re great!
I am also not afraid to stand out. This is partly due to a
lot of great body-positive role models, and encouragement within my
relationship and friendships. I don’t blend in with my neutrals and pig tails
anymore. I am ever forming my personal style to one that is a feeling of me. I
decided hey why not, and had my hair died a gorgeous auburn and violet. I have a (small) visible tattoo, with more
planned. I don’t worry so much if my tummy is a little poochy or my butt looks
big because it doesn’t matter. If I feel comfortable, and confident, it doesn’t
really matter what anyone else thinks, or if I am attractive to them. My
fuckability shouldn’t matter to anyone by my partner.
B likes me because in general I am just awesome. He doesn’t
like me because I’m a larger lady (though some attributes he definitely enjoys).
He’s dated smaller people (than me) almost exclusively. I’ve had my share of
people who have dated me just because I was bigger and/or red-headed, or
thought that I would lose the weight for the person, and my stature was simply
tolerated.
I also feel valued and appreciated in my job. This was also
a new one for me.
I found Monika somewhere in the last year. She’s pretty
assertive, and passionate. She likes being surrounded by people who she is
close with, and enjoys just being out in life now.
I’ve recently took on a co-coordinator position within a
meetup group and have had some great times meeting new people, forming new
bonds and new friendships, while at the same time, broadening our scope and
message of inclusion, commitment and community. There is not a week that goes
by now, that I run into someone I know out and about.
I am really enjoying where this journey is taking me, us. I
am very thankful for the decisions that had led me to this place.
XOXO
Monika
Curently Listening to: Ed Sheeran- X & +
XOXO
Monika
Curently Listening to: Ed Sheeran- X & +
