My nature in the office is just to be a good little worker bee and do the best I can for the success of the job. I try to avoid the drama, gossip, nonsense etc. that tends to happen in work place. So I sit quietly with my trainer, learn my job, and since we spend so much time together we form a friendship/work relationship. This is when I'm at my best. I am very good one-on-one with people who are laid back and easy going and have a sarcastic sense of humor.
Apparently though some of my co-workers would ask my trainer "Is Monika nice?" or "Why doesn't she ever talk to me?" to even saying mean things and insinuating that I was stuck up, better than all of them and bitchy. I'm am fairly self-aware and know that I am being quiet, but never am I mean or rude. I'm not quite sure where the last perception came from, but the more I learn about that person I think that her words came out of jealousy or envy or out of defense of feeling threatened rather than actual perception of my actions.
Still though, those are not new perceptions that I've heard of coming from me. Throw in a dash of anti-social, self-centered, depressed and snobby and you have a recipe of me from a lot of the people I went to high school with.
What I am glad for is that these are not the impressions that my supervisor nor senior admin have of me. Also since this position is transitional for me, I have to make connections outside my office but within the department in order to find a better fit for myself within the agency. The word on the figurative street though, is that in order to move to a different office you really need to know someone there. A lot of positions are posted because per union standards they have to be, but typically the person to fill the position has already been selected.
Now knowing this I have been trying to get out to after work agency functions that would give me the opportunity to meet new people and find out about the different areas I could move to. There are a few personal problems I have with the social functions though. First, I don't know anyone and I don't mingle very well. If I went on my own I would likely just sit there and wait for someone to approach me. Also when I first meet people my conversations are rather short and to the point without a lot of elaboration. I also get anxiety with a lot of people, a lot of noise and not having an anchor, or person that I can lean on to make the introductions, or to be the bold one to talk to others first and engage the conversation.
I have been invited to a few things by my supervisor. He didn't realize I was as shy as I am apparently, and it became clear at the first of these events. He does a really great job of making introductions though, almost to the disservice of keeping an employee. He introduces me, and then gushes about my accomplishments within the department to people that could potential choose me as an employee. So the first outing was about just being brave and getting out.
I actually just went which was a step in itself. I had fun and one of my friends from back home joined me, and provided me with an anchor for the evening. It was just a step of agreeing to go. I figured if I kept saying no, my supervisor would stop inviting me. I will say that I didn't step too far outside the realm of safe. I was proud of myself for just going, staying the whole time, and feeling little anxiety while I was surrounded by a lot of strangers in a small space with a lot of noise and unfamiliarity.
I give myself a gold star for this!
Next Time: Pride Parade and the Shy Girl Club
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