I am a very self-aware person. I am cognizant of just about everything that is going on, and if things are out of whack can usually figure out the cause and work to overcome that. So I know that I am intelligent, sweet natured, caring, giving, empathetic, funny, a good fashion sense, work ethic, independence, talented, cute and so much more. I can take compliments on the things that I "know" to be true.
The problem comes in when people pay me compliments on things that I don't acknowledge as being true: sexy, pretty, beautiful, gorgeous....
I "argued" with a person a few nights ago after they called me sexy. I told them I was not, then asked them to tell me what it was they thought was sexy. The conversation got as far as having nice hair and eyes (which I can accept as I think they are both really great assets) . I guess though, I don't find them particularly sexy.
I also get really down on myself when I am paid these sorts of compliments. First denying them to the person paying them, then my inner voice telling me all the things that I find unattractive about myself, but then outside me gets mad at my inner voice for tearing me down because I shouldn't be... I am a gorgeous girl, and I do <3 my curves, and I am sexy. I've been wrapped up in this spiral since delving into the core of the shyness project.
I've got some amazing partners and people in my life who are great at assuring me how awesome I am, but it only helps if I believe it. I think it's hard to find myself attractive because I'm not the sort of girl that I am attracted to, or find "pretty".
What has thoroughly helped tonight is some really great body positive websites. Seeing women of all shapes and sizes depicted in a beautiful way assures me somehow that I'm pretty great.
Just thought I would share my positives for the day:
http://volup2.com/
http://adipositivity.my-expressions.com/galleries/9…
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